I have a vice. No, it’s not drugs, or alcohol, or gambling. For me, it’s probably more powerful than those things.

I am a Self-Help Junkie

I am interested in, and fascinated by, the field of [read more]]]> OK, here goes. I have a confession to make ……

I have a vice. No, it’s not drugs, or alcohol, or gambling. For me, it’s probably more powerful than those things.

I am a Self-Help Junkie

I am interested in, and fascinated by, the field of Self-Help

Zig Ziglar, Jim Rohn, Brian Tracy, Napoleon Hill (Think and Grow Rich). I’ve got most of their books, and I even read them!

Now if you’re skeptical, let me suggest that at it’s core, self help is a simple concept. The basic premise of self help is this: Success leaves clues.

Man has been on the planet for centuries, and the answers to most of mankind’s problems have been worked out centuries ago. There are no “new” fundamentals (one of Jim Rohn’s quotes)

But I’ve recently come to understand something that is kind of a dirty little secret in that industry, it’s something no one wants to say, but it’s true …..

About half of what is published in the Self Help literature doesn’t work. That …. is a fact.

Now you disagree with that statement, I would just ask you to let me make my case.

Consider this example:

One guy is a perfectionist. Give him a problem and he’ll analyze it, study it, develop a comprehensive plan to attack it, have the plan reviewed and updated. Everything but actually get started doing something.

On the other hand is impulsive guy. He can’t wait to get started. His idea of a plan is 2 points jotted down on the back of a napkin, and that’s 1 point too many. Forget planning, full speed ahead.

Perfectionist guy needs to hear messages like “fortune favors the bold”, “seize the day” and take action.

Impulsive guy needs to hear messages like “look before you leap”, “failing to plan is planning to fail”, etc.

Buy wait a minute – This is confusing! Those two messages are diametrically opposed.

And if you ask me which principle is correct, I will tell you…. IT DEPENDS!

It depends on what problem you have, on where I am on the continuium. What problem am I trying to solve?

If you are a perpetual procrastinator, you need the advice to take action.

If you tend to hop on every bandwagon that comes along and get started before you are even sure where it is you are heading, messages about planning, strategy and foresight are required.

But we tend to pick up a self-help book, read it and probably like it’s ideas, but if they’re not the solution to a problem we have, they won’t produce any change.

So you see, it’s really not that one approach or the other is wrong.

It just depends on where you are, what you need.

One size does not fit all; one piece of advice does not solve every problem.

The wisdom is not just in the message, but it know which message you need to embrace

That’s why it can be helpful to have a trusted friend, or spouse, or coach, or counselor, who can help us identify clearly which problem should be solved, so we come up with the right solution.

THAT’S PART ONE OF THE SELF HELP FORMULA

Even when we know ourselves, and we seek out and find the right message to change a situation in our lifes for the better, we still have to turn that idea into a habit.

And habits require repitition.

And we generally don’t stick with anything long enough to make it into a new habit.

“As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.” Henry David Thoreau

So my message to you is this:

1. If you choose to embark on a journey of self-improvement, be careful and choose the right messsage for the change you are seeking, and

2. Understand that having the right information is only part #1 of the solution. Part #2 is spending the time and energy necessary to make that thought, belief, or behavior a habit in your life, so that you can reap the benefits you were seeking.

I’ll leave you with this thought:

Comes from Oliver Wendell Holmes, the famous lawyer who served as an :

“The great thing in the world is not so much knowing where we stand, as in knowing what direction we are moving.” Oliver Wendell Holmes, Justice on the Supreme Court from 1902 to 1932)

If you want to change the direction of an area of your life, get the right solution to your problem, and repeately hold the thoughts and behaviors in your life until they become habits, and self-help can enable you to make meaningful changes in your life.

Of course, it’s a simple concept, but the fact remains [read more]]]> People who experience success in any endeavor share one basic quality — they get things done. This requirement supercedes talent, birth right or other natural advantages, intelligence and good fortune in determining the what you earn and the success you experience.

Of course, it’s a simple concept, but the fact remains that there are not a lot of people who consistently produce results on their own. In Seth Godin’s recent writings on his blog, he references the importance to “just ship”. Get it done, get something out the door. Improve it later, produce a next version that’s better, whatever … but it seems the fear of producing a final product keeps us from getting things done, but without getting things done, shipping our product, or art, or creation whatever it may be, there can be no achievement.

The key to making this happen? Forming the habit of taking action on your ideas and intentions immediately. Here are some suggestions for ways you can develope the habit of taking action:

1. Remember that ideas alone don’t bring success – Ideas are important, but they’re only valuable once they’ve been implemented. One average idea that’s been put into action is more valuable than a dozen brilliant ideas that you’re saving for the right time or the “right opportunity”. If you have an idea that you really believe in, do something about it. Unless you take action it really doesn’t even count. Goals are never achieved until ideas are implemented.

2. Don’t wait until the time is perfect, because it never will be – If you wait until conditions are perfect, it’s likely you’ll never get started. There will always be something that isn’t quite right, and frankly this is frequently just an excuse for inaction. Either it’s too hot or too cold, you’re too busy or not prepared, the market’s up, the market’s down, the economy is not right… you get the idea. The fact is that there is no perfect time to start, and successful people are able to deal with the wind as it is currently blowing and set their sail so that it doesn’t matter. We have to get started and deal with problems as they arise. It would have been best to start yesterday, but second best is to get started today. The achievement of your goal is waiting.

3. Get serious about what needs to be done, immediately – It’s fairly typical to busy ourselves with some small, insignificant tasks before we start the day, or before launching on the current project. This is really just a distraction that will cost you time if you don’t set those things aside and get busy taking action on what needs to be done, now. The 80/20 rule always applies – 80% of our results are produced by 20% of our actions. So ignore the 80% of “trivial” tasks that fill our day and get busy doing the 20% of the things that matter. Demonstrate yourself as a leader, the kind of person who recognizes and gets started doing the important tasks, right now.

4. Become one of the doers – Make it your habit to just get busy doing things, rather than thinking about them. Need to exercise? Have a great idea for a presentation? Wish you could meet someone you admire at work? Just pick up and do it. The longer you think about it, the harder it becomes to take action and the more likely something will interrupt your awareness and the opportunity will be lost. By taking action, now, you’ll get more done and will see new and interesting ways to proceed that you would have never considered if you hadn’t gotten started anyway.

5. Remember: Action cures fear. – Brian Tracy has said many times to “Do the thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain.” You likely know this is true, but may not want to admit it. I’m in a public speaking group, and you can see it in the eyes of our members as they work through the first few speeches, then reach their 15th, 20th or more. What once was overwhelming actually begins to become fun. We will always have some anxiety before we start, but by taking action what once seemed overwhelming becomes easily manageable. Action is the best, and really only, cure for fear. The first time is the hardest, but once you get started you’ll see that your confidence builds and the emotions become manageable. Heed Mr. Tracy’s advice: Deal with fear by taking action on it, and the fear will certainly fade away.

Any goal you set will require that you take action and product something. Realize your goal sooner, get started taking action today.

Restated in a slightly different way, [read more]]]> Setting goals, making plans, keeping focus, visualizing the outcome, all the things that we know about the value and benefits of setting Goals comes down to one simple principle. It is:

• Where we want to go tomorrow, drives what we need to be doing today

Restated in a slightly different way, where we want to be TOMORROW will be determined by what we do TODAY.

It’s like a rule of human behavior: future intent determines present action. Where we want to be is the key factor in driving what we need to be doing today. That’s why if you want to know how someone really feels about something, pay attention to what they do, not what they say. If their actions don’t reflect a geniune intent to make something happen, we can be certain that it won’t.

The reason reading blogs and websites like this one is important is that this kind of idea, this line of thinking or belief, is critical to making the right choices. Once we understand what the rules are, once we believe in the right principles, taking the correct action becomes easy.

Remember though, we do still have to take the right action! I think the missing ingredient from The Secret was the fact that, as Einstein once said, “Nothing happens until something moves”. I’m not aware of any repeatable scientific evidence which shows that sitting and wishing for something is sufficient to make it happen. But when we marry the right thoughts to simple regular action, the results become virtually inevitable.

Thinking makes it so. That’s why successful people are able to remain successful. They think better than others do. How they think about money, service, work, planning and setting goals leads them to make better decisions and get better results.

With all of these books around touting the benefits of affirmations, Psychologists became curious to know whether they actually worked.

They brought together many different subjects, having various degrees of self confidence and told them to repeat positive [read more]]]> Everything You Need To Know About Happiness

“Happiness” courtesy of Zhong Bioa

The truth about affirmations

With all of these books around touting the benefits of affirmations, Psychologists became curious to know whether they actually worked.

They brought together many different subjects, having various degrees of self confidence and told them to repeat positive statements about their self confidence such as “I am confident” and “I am worthy”

What was found is that confident people felt more confident after the experiment while those who lacked confidence felt even worse.

The explanation is simple, when you repeat a statement that matches your inner belief system your subconscious mind will be reminded of the statement and will let you feel good if it was a positive one, on the other hand if you tried to force your subconscious mind to believe in something against its belief system it will sense the deception and so make you feel guilty.

In short, affirmations can never make you happy if you weren’t already happy nor can they make you more confident if you weren’t already feeling confident.

We are not the same

Read as much as you can about happiness and you will find that most of the sources describe happiness in a different way. Some people will tell you that true happiness is in success, others will tell you that its in fame a third group will tell you that true happiness is being rich.

Everyone describes happiness from his own perspective without putting in mind that humans, unlike ants, are completely different and that what makes Sam happy would never make Sarah happy.

The conclusions is, everyone has his own belief system and according to it his own true happiness differs from others. The key to becoming truly happy to first understand the things that really make you happy then go on a quest to bring them.

Happiness and unmet needs

If a person lived his life suffering from poverty then became a millionaire he will be the happiest man ever (provided that money was his only problem). Research has shown that normal people who win the lottery return back to their original mood after getting used to it but those who have financial unmet needs never get used to the things they missed in the past.

Happiness In short can be achieved by understanding your unmet needs and working on fulfilling them. If your unmet need is intimacy then money, fame or positive thinking won’t make you happy but only intimate relationships will.

Find your unmet needs, work on fulfilling them and you will discover real happiness. If you are Hungary then nothing will make you feel good except eating and if you tried to drink instead of eating you will still feel Hungary.

Happiness is the absence of bad emotions

Happiness can also be defined as the absence of bad emotions. If you had a fight with one of your friends in the morning you are less likely to feel happy that day because of the anger you experienced.

Many of us follow life styles that promote stress, anger, frustration and other bad emotions. Even if emotions weren’t intense still they would never allow you to feel happy if they existed.

You must learn how to avoid stress, negative people, unneeded quarrels and any other source of negative emotions that can be avoided.

Happiness and incorrectly set priorities

Ask anybody about his priorities and he will tell you that happiness is one of them, ask him about the things that he does in life and he will reply saying that he hates most of them.

How many people work at jobs that they hate then claim that happiness is a priority in their life?
How many people stay in abusive relationships yet claim that they want to live a happy life?

If you really want to be happy then happiness must be considered a priority that has an impact on the decisions you make in your life.

To summarize this all, becoming happy is all about understanding what makes you happy then doing it and knowing what makes you feel bad then avoiding it.

M.Farouk Radwan is the Founder of http://www.2knowmyself.com, The Ultimate source of self understanding. 10,000,000 Visits and counting.

If that sounds familiar, here’s one set of ideas to help answer to that question articulated [read more]]]> Why is it that regardless of how clear they may be about what they want, or how solid the plan, some people just never seem to realize their hopes and dreams (goals)?

If that sounds familiar, here’s one set of ideas to help answer to that question articulated well here in a post by Alexandra Levit, career advice columnist for the Wall Street Journal that I noticed recently at ZenHabits.

Self doubt, which frequently involves a belief about ourselves which has no relationship to reality, has long been responsible for undermining attempts to reach our goals. Check out what Alexandra has to say about it:

5 Great Ways to Conquer Self Doubt (Let go of those doubts)

Self doubt has been something I’ve struggled with all my life, from debating whether I could get into a top tier university to believing I could succeed as a writer. It’s a very human emotion, and it’s made worse for some people because of life experiences or temperament. Self doubt also makes you feel alone. Sometimes you think you’re the only person in the universe who suffers from a crisis of confidence, and you wish that you could be more like your successful, self-assured neighbor. Well, I guarantee that your neighbor doubts himself every now and then too.
You won’t ever be able to rid yourself of doubt entirely – believe me, I’ve tried. But I hope that these suggestions will lessen your pain when dark thoughts are all around you.
Go back in time: The first step to overcoming self doubt is to recognize that it’s there in the first place. Think about the circumstances that are leading you to feel insecure, and see if you notice any patterns. Are there particular situations (for example, dealing with a new boss, speaking in public) that prompt you to feel this way? Make a note of times in the past when you doubted yourself but ended up coming through with flying colors. Knowledge and recognition of your past successes will bolster your courage regarding what you can achieve in the future.
Defeat the doubtful thoughts: In one column, write a doubtful thought, and in the opposite column, write facts that dispute that doubtful thought. For instance, suppose you are afraid to invite a new colleague to lunch because you’re afraid you won’t have anything to talk about and she won’t like me. Statements that refute that thought might be: “We can spend at least an hour talking about the office culture here and what she did before this” and “She will like me because I’ve made a sincere overture to get to know her better.”
Keep an event journal: If you are a person who experiences a lot of self doubt, then it’s time for a test. In the course of a single day, write down all of the things – simple and complex – that you accomplished without a hitch. These can be things like “ran productive staff meeting” or “had great talk with Brandon over coffee.” Then, write down the things that didn’t go so well. You will inevitably notice that the list of things that went well far outweighs the list of things that didn’t, and this will hopefully allow you to see your doubt in a different light.

Call on your cheerleaders: Often, our loved ones can see our lives much more objectively than we can. Being a natural introvert, I sometimes doubt my interpersonal skills, and when someone doesn’t respond to me in the way that I expect, I occasionally get paranoid. It always helps to call one of my best friends so that she can assure me that I do in fact have a lot of wonderful relationships in my life.
Celebrate your successes: When a situation in which you doubted yourself turns out better than you expected, don’t just nod and smile and move immediately on to the next thing. Take a moment and reward yourself for a positive outcome. Do something you enjoy like going to your favorite restaurant or eating a delectable dessert. Taking the time to cement positive emotions in your mind will hopefully make the doubt disappear more quickly next time.
Alexandra Levit is a columnist for the Wall Street Journal and the author of the new book “New Job, New You: A Guide to Reinventing Yourself in a Bright New Career.” If you’re struggling with what to do with your career in the New Year, visit www.newjobnewyou.com for free tools and guidance.

“Focus your time and your life on your highest talents and [read more]]]> The following article is excerpted from content in Robin Sharma’s popular CD program, “Manage Your Time, Manage Your Life”“. Pursuing goals is all about knowing where you are going, so I thought Robin’s thoughts would be relevant here.
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“Focus your time and your life on your highest talents and dreams.”

I turned 40 a while ago and I am spending a lot of time reading obituaries. I get rejuvenated when I look at people’s obituaries and look at the lives they’ve lived. The differences that people have made inspire me.

As we reach the half-time point of life a lot of us begin to reflect on whether or not we are living the lives we want to live. We ask ourselves, “How can I make a difference?” We ask ourselves this important question because the biggest regret of all is reaching the end of our lives and realizing that we walked the planet in vain.

The Story of Peter
I want to share a story with you on this point. It is about a little boy named Peter. Peter was a child who could never live in the moment. He could never present his gifts to the world; he was always in a rush to get through life. He’d be in class and he’d want to be on summer vacation. He’d be on summer vacation and he’d want to be on Christmas holidays.

One day this little boy was walking in the woods and he came across a patch of grass. He laid down and fell asleep. Suddenly, he was roused by the sound of his name.

“Peter. Peter. Peter.”

He opened up his eyes and could not believe what he saw. In front of him was an ancient woman with snow white hair. In her hands she held a ball. In the center of the ball was a hole out of which dangled a long piece of thread. She looked at him and she said, “Peter this is the thread of your life.”

“What?”

She said, “This is the thread of your life. And if you pull on it days will go by in minutes and if you pull it a little more weeks will go by in days.”

“Do you want it?” she asked.

Peter said, “Absolutely. I’ll be able to fly through the boring parts of life.”

The next day he was sitting in class, not enjoying the moment or experiencing the gifts of the day. Then he remembered the ball, so he pulled it out and tugged on the thread. Tug, tug, tug. The next thing he knows He’s on summer vacation.

He said, “This is fantastic!”

He pulled out the ball again. Tug, tug, tug. The next thing he knew he was a teenager.

He said, “Well, being a teenager is great but now I think I need a girlfriend.”

So he grabbed the ball and pulled on the thread again and found himself with a pretty young girlfriend named Elise.

He said, “This is great but I don’t want to be a teenager anymore. I want to be an adult now.”

The next thing he knows he’s married to Elise and the couple has two wonderful children. Then he noticed that his once jet black hair was slowly turning grey. His once vibrant and vital mother was growing old and frail.

Perturbed, he pulled out the ball and tugged on the string again. The next thing he knew he was an 85-year-old man. As for his wife Elise, she had passed away years earlier and the children were grown up and leading lives of their own.

For the first time in his life, he became very sad. He realized that he had not used his time and had not experienced life fully. In his sadness he walked out to the woods that he had loved as a child and found that patch of grass and he laid down to take a rest.

All of the sudden he heard his name being called, “Peter, Peter, Peter.”

When he opened his eyes he couldn’t believe what he saw. It was the old woman with snow white hair and she looked at him and said, “Peter, how have you enjoyed this gift I gave you so many years ago? Have you lived life fully? Have you been your best?”

He looked at her and said, “At first I loved this gift. I could fly through life quickly. I was always on the move. But now I realize that I didn't live life. I didn’t watch the sunrises, I didn’t make great friendships. I didn’t give my potential to the world. I didn’t make a difference. It was all a waste.”

The old woman looked at him and said, “Peter, you’re a very ungrateful man but I’m going to give you a second chance to live your life over again.”

Confused, Peter went back to sleep. Then, he heard his name being called again. But this time he couldn't believe what he saw. It wasn't the 100-year-old woman. It was his mother. And she was young and vital and laughing.

She shook him awake and said, “Peter, you silly little boy. You've slept in again. It's time to go to school.”

Peter realized that it was all just a dream. He stared at his mother. Looked out the window at the day and went off to school grateful for every moment.

The point of wisdom from that story is that every one of us knows that we’ll never have a chance to live our lives over again�”yet so many of us postpone living. Here’s the big idea: you will never have a better time to play your best game. Most of us postpone being better at work until our children grow older. Or we postpone traveling until we have more time. Or we postpone taking better care of our health until we manage our workload better. Yet there will never be a better time to play your best game and shine as brightly as there will be today. Chinese philosophers once said the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago; the second best time is today.

Elite performers understand that life is short�”there may not be another chance to be great.

Robin Sharma is a renowned leadership expert and best-selling author of The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. This article is excerpted from content in Robin's popular CD program,Manage Your Time, Manage Your Life”.