With all of these books around touting the benefits of affirmations, Psychologists became curious to know whether they actually worked.

They brought together many different subjects, having various degrees of self confidence and told them to repeat positive [read more]]]> Everything You Need To Know About Happiness

“Happiness” courtesy of Zhong Bioa

The truth about affirmations

With all of these books around touting the benefits of affirmations, Psychologists became curious to know whether they actually worked.

They brought together many different subjects, having various degrees of self confidence and told them to repeat positive statements about their self confidence such as “I am confident” and “I am worthy”

What was found is that confident people felt more confident after the experiment while those who lacked confidence felt even worse.

The explanation is simple, when you repeat a statement that matches your inner belief system your subconscious mind will be reminded of the statement and will let you feel good if it was a positive one, on the other hand if you tried to force your subconscious mind to believe in something against its belief system it will sense the deception and so make you feel guilty.

In short, affirmations can never make you happy if you weren’t already happy nor can they make you more confident if you weren’t already feeling confident.

We are not the same

Read as much as you can about happiness and you will find that most of the sources describe happiness in a different way. Some people will tell you that true happiness is in success, others will tell you that its in fame a third group will tell you that true happiness is being rich.

Everyone describes happiness from his own perspective without putting in mind that humans, unlike ants, are completely different and that what makes Sam happy would never make Sarah happy.

The conclusions is, everyone has his own belief system and according to it his own true happiness differs from others. The key to becoming truly happy to first understand the things that really make you happy then go on a quest to bring them.

Happiness and unmet needs

If a person lived his life suffering from poverty then became a millionaire he will be the happiest man ever (provided that money was his only problem). Research has shown that normal people who win the lottery return back to their original mood after getting used to it but those who have financial unmet needs never get used to the things they missed in the past.

Happiness In short can be achieved by understanding your unmet needs and working on fulfilling them. If your unmet need is intimacy then money, fame or positive thinking won’t make you happy but only intimate relationships will.

Find your unmet needs, work on fulfilling them and you will discover real happiness. If you are Hungary then nothing will make you feel good except eating and if you tried to drink instead of eating you will still feel Hungary.

Happiness is the absence of bad emotions

Happiness can also be defined as the absence of bad emotions. If you had a fight with one of your friends in the morning you are less likely to feel happy that day because of the anger you experienced.

Many of us follow life styles that promote stress, anger, frustration and other bad emotions. Even if emotions weren’t intense still they would never allow you to feel happy if they existed.

You must learn how to avoid stress, negative people, unneeded quarrels and any other source of negative emotions that can be avoided.

Happiness and incorrectly set priorities

Ask anybody about his priorities and he will tell you that happiness is one of them, ask him about the things that he does in life and he will reply saying that he hates most of them.

How many people work at jobs that they hate then claim that happiness is a priority in their life?
How many people stay in abusive relationships yet claim that they want to live a happy life?

If you really want to be happy then happiness must be considered a priority that has an impact on the decisions you make in your life.

To summarize this all, becoming happy is all about understanding what makes you happy then doing it and knowing what makes you feel bad then avoiding it.

M.Farouk Radwan is the Founder of http://www.2knowmyself.com, The Ultimate source of self understanding. 10,000,000 Visits and counting.

If that sounds familiar, here’s one set of ideas to help answer to that question articulated [read more]]]> Why is it that regardless of how clear they may be about what they want, or how solid the plan, some people just never seem to realize their hopes and dreams (goals)?

If that sounds familiar, here’s one set of ideas to help answer to that question articulated well here in a post by Alexandra Levit, career advice columnist for the Wall Street Journal that I noticed recently at ZenHabits.

Self doubt, which frequently involves a belief about ourselves which has no relationship to reality, has long been responsible for undermining attempts to reach our goals. Check out what Alexandra has to say about it:

5 Great Ways to Conquer Self Doubt (Let go of those doubts)

Self doubt has been something I’ve struggled with all my life, from debating whether I could get into a top tier university to believing I could succeed as a writer. It’s a very human emotion, and it’s made worse for some people because of life experiences or temperament. Self doubt also makes you feel alone. Sometimes you think you’re the only person in the universe who suffers from a crisis of confidence, and you wish that you could be more like your successful, self-assured neighbor. Well, I guarantee that your neighbor doubts himself every now and then too.
You won’t ever be able to rid yourself of doubt entirely – believe me, I’ve tried. But I hope that these suggestions will lessen your pain when dark thoughts are all around you.
Go back in time: The first step to overcoming self doubt is to recognize that it’s there in the first place. Think about the circumstances that are leading you to feel insecure, and see if you notice any patterns. Are there particular situations (for example, dealing with a new boss, speaking in public) that prompt you to feel this way? Make a note of times in the past when you doubted yourself but ended up coming through with flying colors. Knowledge and recognition of your past successes will bolster your courage regarding what you can achieve in the future.
Defeat the doubtful thoughts: In one column, write a doubtful thought, and in the opposite column, write facts that dispute that doubtful thought. For instance, suppose you are afraid to invite a new colleague to lunch because you’re afraid you won’t have anything to talk about and she won’t like me. Statements that refute that thought might be: “We can spend at least an hour talking about the office culture here and what she did before this” and “She will like me because I’ve made a sincere overture to get to know her better.”
Keep an event journal: If you are a person who experiences a lot of self doubt, then it’s time for a test. In the course of a single day, write down all of the things – simple and complex – that you accomplished without a hitch. These can be things like “ran productive staff meeting” or “had great talk with Brandon over coffee.” Then, write down the things that didn’t go so well. You will inevitably notice that the list of things that went well far outweighs the list of things that didn’t, and this will hopefully allow you to see your doubt in a different light.

Call on your cheerleaders: Often, our loved ones can see our lives much more objectively than we can. Being a natural introvert, I sometimes doubt my interpersonal skills, and when someone doesn’t respond to me in the way that I expect, I occasionally get paranoid. It always helps to call one of my best friends so that she can assure me that I do in fact have a lot of wonderful relationships in my life.
Celebrate your successes: When a situation in which you doubted yourself turns out better than you expected, don’t just nod and smile and move immediately on to the next thing. Take a moment and reward yourself for a positive outcome. Do something you enjoy like going to your favorite restaurant or eating a delectable dessert. Taking the time to cement positive emotions in your mind will hopefully make the doubt disappear more quickly next time.
Alexandra Levit is a columnist for the Wall Street Journal and the author of the new book “New Job, New You: A Guide to Reinventing Yourself in a Bright New Career.” If you’re struggling with what to do with your career in the New Year, visit www.newjobnewyou.com for free tools and guidance.

“Focus your time and your life on your highest talents and [read more]]]> The following article is excerpted from content in Robin Sharma’s popular CD program, “Manage Your Time, Manage Your Life”“. Pursuing goals is all about knowing where you are going, so I thought Robin’s thoughts would be relevant here.
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“Focus your time and your life on your highest talents and dreams.”

I turned 40 a while ago and I am spending a lot of time reading obituaries. I get rejuvenated when I look at people’s obituaries and look at the lives they’ve lived. The differences that people have made inspire me.

As we reach the half-time point of life a lot of us begin to reflect on whether or not we are living the lives we want to live. We ask ourselves, “How can I make a difference?” We ask ourselves this important question because the biggest regret of all is reaching the end of our lives and realizing that we walked the planet in vain.

The Story of Peter
I want to share a story with you on this point. It is about a little boy named Peter. Peter was a child who could never live in the moment. He could never present his gifts to the world; he was always in a rush to get through life. He’d be in class and he’d want to be on summer vacation. He’d be on summer vacation and he’d want to be on Christmas holidays.

One day this little boy was walking in the woods and he came across a patch of grass. He laid down and fell asleep. Suddenly, he was roused by the sound of his name.

“Peter. Peter. Peter.”

He opened up his eyes and could not believe what he saw. In front of him was an ancient woman with snow white hair. In her hands she held a ball. In the center of the ball was a hole out of which dangled a long piece of thread. She looked at him and she said, “Peter this is the thread of your life.”

“What?”

She said, “This is the thread of your life. And if you pull on it days will go by in minutes and if you pull it a little more weeks will go by in days.”

“Do you want it?” she asked.

Peter said, “Absolutely. I’ll be able to fly through the boring parts of life.”

The next day he was sitting in class, not enjoying the moment or experiencing the gifts of the day. Then he remembered the ball, so he pulled it out and tugged on the thread. Tug, tug, tug. The next thing he knows He’s on summer vacation.

He said, “This is fantastic!”

He pulled out the ball again. Tug, tug, tug. The next thing he knew he was a teenager.

He said, “Well, being a teenager is great but now I think I need a girlfriend.”

So he grabbed the ball and pulled on the thread again and found himself with a pretty young girlfriend named Elise.

He said, “This is great but I don’t want to be a teenager anymore. I want to be an adult now.”

The next thing he knows he’s married to Elise and the couple has two wonderful children. Then he noticed that his once jet black hair was slowly turning grey. His once vibrant and vital mother was growing old and frail.

Perturbed, he pulled out the ball and tugged on the string again. The next thing he knew he was an 85-year-old man. As for his wife Elise, she had passed away years earlier and the children were grown up and leading lives of their own.

For the first time in his life, he became very sad. He realized that he had not used his time and had not experienced life fully. In his sadness he walked out to the woods that he had loved as a child and found that patch of grass and he laid down to take a rest.

All of the sudden he heard his name being called, “Peter, Peter, Peter.”

When he opened his eyes he couldn’t believe what he saw. It was the old woman with snow white hair and she looked at him and said, “Peter, how have you enjoyed this gift I gave you so many years ago? Have you lived life fully? Have you been your best?”

He looked at her and said, “At first I loved this gift. I could fly through life quickly. I was always on the move. But now I realize that I didn't live life. I didn’t watch the sunrises, I didn’t make great friendships. I didn’t give my potential to the world. I didn’t make a difference. It was all a waste.”

The old woman looked at him and said, “Peter, you’re a very ungrateful man but I’m going to give you a second chance to live your life over again.”

Confused, Peter went back to sleep. Then, he heard his name being called again. But this time he couldn't believe what he saw. It wasn't the 100-year-old woman. It was his mother. And she was young and vital and laughing.

She shook him awake and said, “Peter, you silly little boy. You've slept in again. It's time to go to school.”

Peter realized that it was all just a dream. He stared at his mother. Looked out the window at the day and went off to school grateful for every moment.

The point of wisdom from that story is that every one of us knows that we’ll never have a chance to live our lives over again�”yet so many of us postpone living. Here’s the big idea: you will never have a better time to play your best game. Most of us postpone being better at work until our children grow older. Or we postpone traveling until we have more time. Or we postpone taking better care of our health until we manage our workload better. Yet there will never be a better time to play your best game and shine as brightly as there will be today. Chinese philosophers once said the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago; the second best time is today.

Elite performers understand that life is short�”there may not be another chance to be great.

Robin Sharma is a renowned leadership expert and best-selling author of The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. This article is excerpted from content in Robin's popular CD program,Manage Your Time, Manage Your Life”.

This post is about how to approach your goals. [read more]]]> Setting goals is essential for top performance, that’s no secret. Every Olympic athlete, market leading business or worker interested in retiring before age 90 understands that it helps to set a goal and have a plan for how to get there.

This post is about how to approach your goals. As the saying goes, it’s a sad day in the neighborhood to find out that you’ve climbed your ladder of success, only to find out it was leaning against the wrong wall.

Here’s a proven idea that will help insure you have the right mindset as you make that vital decision about which fork in the road to take.

Think long term!

As with most of the ideas I have, it’s not actually mine. I first ran across this notion in Brian Tracy’s “Eat That Frog”, but it’s easy to see he’s right.

Short-term thinking and the desire for immediate gratification have derailed many otherwise well-intended goal seekers. It’s more appealing to think about getting that new BMW, taking a great European vacation or spending your evenings watching TV, until you begin to realize where you’ll be in 5 years with those kinds of decisions.

Another bit of wisdom I picked up somewhere along the way is that we tend to overestimate what we can do in the short run, but underestimate what we can do in the long run. Think of what you could accomplish in 5 years with a clear goal and a willingness to do something every singe day to move closer to that goal. Fortunes are built in 5 years. Entire lives can be changed in 5 years.

But we more frequently tend to think in the short term, one week or 30 days out, and it can be hard to it’s hard to accomplish something meaningful that soon. We can certainly get something meaningful started in that period of time, but far better to decide where we want our lives to be in 1, 3 or 5 years – not 30 days.

Thinking long term is a good predictor of future success.

Thinking long term is a great hedge insure that your decisions are wise ones.

Adopting on a managed intake, calorie-controlled diet is harder because we have to start to manage our appetite, and begin to say “No” to some choices. That’s resistance.

Work that allows you to do what you want, when you want to [read more]]]> Eating what we want, when we want it, is easy.

Adopting on a managed intake, calorie-controlled diet is harder because we have to start to manage our appetite, and begin to say “No” to some choices. That’s resistance.

Work that allows you to do what you want, when you want to do it, and stop any time you want, is easy.

Having to get up every day and do the things necessary to reach your goal is harder, because some days we don’t just don’t feel like it. That’s resistance.

The point is that there is almost always some degree of resistance when we set out to accomplish something. As we decide to take specific, intentional steps in pursuit of some goal, things generally get harder. Things come up, there are days we don’t feel good, interruptions arise, our own weaknesses appear, any or all of which can be a pull against reaching your goal.

That’s not an “oh poor us” remark, it’s simply an observation of how things work. It’s normal, natural and to be expected. The point is that, hopefully, being armed with this knowledge we can better deal with it.

For me at least, knowing this makes achieving a goal easier. It’s similar to a message in The Magic of Thinking Big which talks about learning to value sacrifice. Sacrifice is generally required to accomplish most things, and realizing “yeah, now I’m doing the work and pressing forward when others turn away” is useful, at least for me.

It’s wise for us to understand that resistance comes with the territory when we are trying to reach our goals, and we shouldn’t let it dimish our determination or mistake it for a message that we’ve done something wrong. In fact, it’s one of the things that makes success and achievement all the sweeter.

So the next time you feel the resistance as you work through your Action Plan, to walk right up to the resistance, lean into it, and if necessary punch it right smack in the nose saying “You’re not stoppin’ me now!”. Uh, make sure no one is looking first.

As you would imagine, [read more]]]> Don’t cringe, this is a good one. I just finished Malcolm Gladwell’s book titled “Outliers”, which discusses the notion of success and points out the common denominators his research revealed about those people and groups who have achieved rare, extreme success .

As you would imagine, the facts behind the story aren’t always obvious, and more importantly I found some very interesting parallels to the principles promoted here at Achieving Personal Goals.

There were plenty of examples of success in the book, but I’ll focus on 3 that, together, reveal an interesting message. Since this is, after all, a blog post it will have to be really brief but I wanted to hit the high spots because the message is important. If you want to learn more about this fascinating research, I encourage you to get the book at the link below.

Hockey

In 1980, a study was published called Relative Age. This study related to the Ontario Junior hockey league, and it revealed a statistic that showed nearly 5 ½ times as many players on the elite teams in that league born in January as any other month. In fact overall, it was determined that 40% (nearly half) of all elite hockey players are born in the months of Jan, Feb and March. Here’s why….

In this league, they get the kids started early and the cutoff age for eligibility each year is Jan 1. So if a kid turns 9 years old on Jan 2, he has to wait nearly a full year before he’s eligible to play in the 9 year old league. At that age, a year obviously makes a big difference in their physical and skills development. Kids tend to be more developed, stronger, faster, etc. so they’re generally better athletes. Consequently they are more likely to get picked to play on the all star teams and in the elite leagues, where the coaching is better, the equipment is better, the competition is more intense, etc, and it starts this irreversible process where those who get a head start just continue to have advantages over their peers that are hard to overcome.

Bill Gates

Because of a series of unusual, extremely rare opportunities at that time in history to get access to program on mainframe computers between the 7th grade and graduation from high school, he was able to develop his programming skills and software knowledge to a level well beyond most people anywhere near his age, and at a time when software was just emerging as a huge industry. By the time he enrollled at Harvard, he was a great programmer and had a depth of knowledge of software development and design far beyond his years.

The Beatles

Prior to coming to America, when the Beatles were still in high school, they got the opportunity to played in Hamburg, Germany. The nature of the gigs in Hamburg at that time called for extremely long sets (up to 8 hours at a time), sometimes for 7 days a week. During a 22 month period, they played 1200 hrs. They not only honed their skills as musicians, they also developed their ability to write their own music, perfect their stage prescense and generally develop into professional musicians.

My takeaway

In each of these cases, there was an opportunity to put in a significant number of hours to develop their skill and work toward a goal. Regardless of talent, opportunity, aptitude or anything else, without putting in that substantial amount of work none of their success would have occurred. See Action Plan Checklist #6 – Execute Your Plan. See also “Key Traits of Achievers“. Any way we cut it, we have to take action, put in the work toward a focused, specific goal.

This pattern emerges over and over again, from the research studies to the quotes of great leaders:

• Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence – is the key to unlocking our potential. Sir Winston Churchill
• There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, learning from failure. Colin Powell
• You have to put in many, many, many tiny efforts that nobody sees or appreciates before you achieve anything worthwhile. Brian Tracy
• Energy and persistence conquer all things. Benjamin Franklin

Conclusion

Do the work. Find what you love, set a goal large enough to fill you with enthusiasm and do the work. Talent and natural ability are fine things to have, but the thing that makes the difference and sets people apart is putting in the work.

If you’d like to get the book, click here: Outliers: The Story of Success. Full disclosure: If you purchase it through my link Amazon will pay me a commission.

1. We have an idea, epiphany or “ah ha!” moment when you are certain that your life would be [read more]]]> It seems there’s a natural progression or trend to virtually any aspiration, desire, target or dare I say it …. personal goal. I think it goes something like this:

1. We have an idea, epiphany or “ah ha!” moment when you are certain that your life would be better with (or without) something (less weight, more money, better relationship, better job, etc).

2. The energy produced by the idea in #1 is channeled and we create a plan to achieve our goal, either in our head or on paper.

3. We set about implementing the steps in our plan, with the determination and enthusiasm of Rudy (click here if you’re not familiar with this notorious sports reference).

4. Now somewhere around week 2, we realize we’ve been working at this hard, with true passion and zeal, and nothing (or not much) is happening (how can this be?).

5. Despite a voice in your head saying “these things take time”, you begin to reevaluate your priorities, rethink your epiphany and weigh just how important this goal really is.

6. A few more days go by, your effort lessens a little, still no results or rewards, and it’s becoming even more likely that this wasn’t such a great idea.

7. Finally somewhere around week 2 – 4 resignation sets in, we made a minor miscalculation in the assessment phase of this goal, and we decide that we really didn’t want it that bad after all.

Maybe this isn’t exactly you, but it’s a fairly typical model for how alot of people approach goal setting and making changes in their lives. You don’t have to look any farther than New Year’s Resolutions to see that this is true. Research tells us that at least 80% of all such resolutions are broken by Jan 31, and in fact 90% are abandoned by Jan 15 if they are related to health and fitness activities.

Sounds grim, I know. However the truth, as they say, will set your free. Realizing this pattern, this tendency, can allow us to go into the goal plan with the proper mindset and attitude to greatly increase our chances for success. Following these 3 simple steps will provide you with ammunition to deal with disappointment, disillusionment and frustration.

1. Take the long term view.

It’s not news that we’ve all to some degree joined the immediate gratification, “get ______ quick” (fill in the blank as you choose) society, and that leads to unrealistic expectations and the wrong attitude. Before you decide to pursue this goal, consider whether it’s worth turning into a life habit, or at least whether you’re willing to do whatever it takes to achieve it.

2. Decide if you’re willing to invest effort over an extended period of time without getting results.

Similar to the immediate gratification idea in #1 above, this relates to the principle of deferred gratification – being willing to put off reward today in return for greater rewards later. It’s a rock solid principle (think college education, retirement savings plan or regular exercise), but it does fly in the face of immediate download movies on cable tv or “pizza in 30 minutes or it’s free” (or whatever the ad says). The easy stuff comes quickly, but many times the good stuff isn’t easy.

3. Recognize and prepare for “The Dip”.

One of my favorite authors, Seth Godin, coined this phrase (I think) in his book of the same title. The point of the book is that it can be smart to know when to quit, which I agree with. But the greater message in my opinion was that most people quit when things get tough, frustrating, don’t show progress, etc, and that’s exactly where the opportunity lies. Following through on worthwhile goals that most people give up on is one of the things that makes the achievement so valuable. We do, however, have to be willing to stick it out through “the dip”, that phase where the progress is hard, the rewards are not obvious and it’s easier to rationalize the goal and give up.

I like the analogy of the artist who loves sculpture. He meticiously strikes the rock in just the right place over and over, until it finally cracks in perfect form. The last strike was the one that seemed to produce the results, but in fact it was no more important than every one that preceded it. But he had to hang in there as long as it took.

Other tips include picking things that are attainable, create a system that encourages you to include these things in your day, utilize some form of accountability partner and track or measure your progress. But start by taking the long term view and plan to invest your effort as long as it takes, even without measurable reward, through the hard times. This is a good test to determine if you’re really committed to the goal, and if you decide to proceed then you’ll find your success rate at achieving your personal goals is quite good!