Achieving Personal Goals

OK, here goes. I have a confession to make ……

I have a vice. No, it’s not drugs, or alcohol, or gambling. For me, it’s probably more powerful than those things.

I am a Self-Help Junkie

I am interested in, and fascinated by, the field of Self-Help

Zig Ziglar, Jim Rohn, Brian Tracy, Napoleon Hill (Think and Grow Rich). I’ve got most of their books, and I even read them!

Now if you’re skeptical, let me suggest that at it’s core, self help is a simple concept. The basic premise of self help is this: Success leaves clues.

Man has been on the planet for centuries, and the answers to most of mankind’s problems have been worked out centuries ago. There are no “new” fundamentals (one of Jim Rohn’s quotes)

But I’ve recently come to understand something that is kind of a dirty little secret in that industry, it’s something no one wants to say, but it’s true …..

About half of what is published in the Self Help literature doesn’t work. That …. is a fact.

Now you disagree with that statement, I would just ask you to let me make my case.

Consider this example:

One guy is a perfectionist. Give him a problem and he’ll analyze it, study it, develop a comprehensive plan to attack it, have the plan reviewed and updated. Everything but actually get started doing something.

On the other hand is impulsive guy. He can’t wait to get started. His idea of a plan is 2 points jotted down on the back of a napkin, and that’s 1 point too many. Forget planning, full speed ahead.

Perfectionist guy needs to hear messages like “fortune favors the bold”, “seize the day” and take action.

Impulsive guy needs to hear messages like “look before you leap”, “failing to plan is planning to fail”, etc.

Buy wait a minute – This is confusing! Those two messages are diametrically opposed.

And if you ask me which principle is correct, I will tell you…. IT DEPENDS!

It depends on what problem you have, on where I am on the continuium. What problem am I trying to solve?

If you are a perpetual procrastinator, you need the advice to take action.

If you tend to hop on every bandwagon that comes along and get started before you are even sure where it is you are heading, messages about planning, strategy and foresight are required.

But we tend to pick up a self-help book, read it and probably like it’s ideas, but if they’re not the solution to a problem we have, they won’t produce any change.

So you see, it’s really not that one approach or the other is wrong.

It just depends on where you are, what you need.

One size does not fit all; one piece of advice does not solve every problem.

The wisdom is not just in the message, but it know which message you need to embrace

That’s why it can be helpful to have a trusted friend, or spouse, or coach, or counselor, who can help us identify clearly which problem should be solved, so we come up with the right solution.

THAT’S PART ONE OF THE SELF HELP FORMULA

Even when we know ourselves, and we seek out and find the right message to change a situation in our lifes for the better, we still have to turn that idea into a habit.

And habits require repitition.

And we generally don’t stick with anything long enough to make it into a new habit.

“As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.” Henry David Thoreau

So my message to you is this:

1. If you choose to embark on a journey of self-improvement, be careful and choose the right messsage for the change you are seeking, and

2. Understand that having the right information is only part #1 of the solution. Part #2 is spending the time and energy necessary to make that thought, belief, or behavior a habit in your life, so that you can reap the benefits you were seeking.

I’ll leave you with this thought:

Comes from Oliver Wendell Holmes, the famous lawyer who served as an :

“The great thing in the world is not so much knowing where we stand, as in knowing what direction we are moving.” Oliver Wendell Holmes, Justice on the Supreme Court from 1902 to 1932)

If you want to change the direction of an area of your life, get the right solution to your problem, and repeately hold the thoughts and behaviors in your life until they become habits, and self-help can enable you to make meaningful changes in your life.

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I was listening to Darren Hardy’s excellent book (audio, in my car) “The Compound Effect” when the pieces of the process of goal accomplishment really seemed to fall into place. Obviously from my interest and effort into this website, I spend alot of my time thinking about and practicing the habits, processes and ideas of goal setting. As I was listening to the Compound Effect though, all of a sudden each of the pieces seemed to fall perfectly into place, and a way I hadn’t quite seen before.

I know that all sounds a little vague, but the following outline is the progression of the steps that seemed all the more clear to me. These steps, executed consistently, will reliably, predictably lead to achievement. And isn’t that the purpose of having goals in the first place?
 
We see each of these ideas in the outline I will reveal below, and on their own each is completely valid. Just like saying “without gasoline, the car just won’t run” is true, but it’s also true that you better have 4 tires with air in them too. And the driver must also know how to drive a stick shift, and must also know how to reach the intended destination. You get the idea.
 
So talking about a key principle or tactic is clearly relevant to achieving goals, especially if it’s a principle that you’ve overlooked, have not been implementing, or weren’t aware of. If it’s the missing piece to your puzzle, then you may feel like you’ve struck gold, that this is the most important piece of information you’ve ever received. To some extent, that’s true – but it also may be unique to your situation.
 
But what if that totally valid, legitimate piece of information is not the, or one of the, missing pieces of the puzzle for you. What if you’ve got a full tank of gas, but the emergency brake is set and you don’t have the knowledge to release it. What if the tank is full, but you’re in San Francisco trying to get to Pebble Beach without a map?
Even more valuable than a single, key piece of information, is to have the entire process laid out, and having it include not only WHAT to do (fill the tank with gas, put the car in gear, drive to your destination) but also HOW to make each of those elements happen.
 
Once everypiece of the puzzle is followed, then the beauty of the “compound effect” begins to take effect. I genuinely believe this is the key missing element for most frustrated achievers, because it’s effects are not readily apparent even though you may be following your plan perfectly. Albert Einstein called the principles behind the compound effect the most powerful force in the universe, and the examples are evident everywhere.
 
Now the “formula” for achievement is complete, and a complete formula invariably leads to the intended outcome.
 
In the same way that a recipe for chocolate cake that omits one key ingredient (butter?) cannot produce a good cake, a formula for success and achievement that omits one of the steps, or doesn’t include directions for HOW to perform each step, may leave you trying to figure out why your cake tastes … well, bad.
The steps below are the comprehensive outline for not only WHAT to do if you want to make an important change in your life, but also HOW to make that change occur. It’s the completed puzzle. If you omit part of the process, just like your chocolate cake when you forget to add water, you aren’t going to get hte end result you were expecting.

1. I’ve Got A Problem: Recognizing there’s something in your life you want to change (financial, weight, relationship, fitness, career, etc)
2. Begin With the End In Mind: Getting specific about exactly what outcome you are seeking Motivation: Understanding clearly what the benefits, the payoff is
3. Skills/Strategy: Figuring out how to get there
4. Choices: Staying aware of what you need to do each day to make that happen
5. Consistent Awareness: Keeping it on your mind continually
6. Actions / Behavior: Until it becomes a Habit
7. Secret Ingredient: Record your activity

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Anyone who wants to achieve a personal goal is in one of the following phases of the process of making that change in their life:

1. Feeling frustrated or dissatisfied with the way things are (weight, career, relationships, etc)
2. Deciding on a solution that will satisfy the problem (lose weight, change careers, work on being a better friend, husband, etc)
3. Create a plan that will produce the results you are seeking
4. Take the steps necessary to implement the plan
5. Assess your results

If everything works the way you planned, you’re now losing weight, getting better grades, performing better on the job or otherwise achieving whatever goal you initially intended.

But what if you experience the more likely result, that things don’t go the way you intended on your first try?

Step 6 in the process (not shown above), and the one that generally eludes most people, is this:

Figure out why you didn’t get the result you wanted.

In any endeavor, whether it’s Thomas Edison trying to invent the lightbulb, finding your significant other, or trying to lose 20 lbs, there are likely to be setbacks.

What most people tend to do, at least initially, is see that they’ve failed to reach their personal goal and stop there. We don’t like the feeling of failure and disappointment, and after one, two or at most three setbacks virtually 90% of us will say ‘that’s enough’ and stop. Wrong!

The CORRECT approach is to move into “why didn’t this work?” mode. What went wrong, what’s holding me back from achieving the outcome I wanted?

Did I lack sufficient motivation to even get started? Did I start thinking it won’t really work? Did I not make action on a daily basis to start moving toward the goal, because I didn’t make time in my day for the essential activities? Maybe you did everything you said you should but it just didn’t work, i.e. the plan needs to be revised. Until you come up with a satisfactory answer, you should be asking “why did I not get the results I wanted?”.

Unless you’re trying to suspend the laws of gravity and float in mid air, there’s probably a solution to your problem. The right way to handle coming up short in the pursuit of any personal goal is to examine what you did (that’s why we track our progress), and figure out what’s holding you back.
 
How do you think this should be solved? I’ll give you my answer to that question in my next post.

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Clarity

The clearer we are about the goals and objectives we set for ourselves in life, the more efficient, and effective, we will be in achieving them. Clarity has as much or more to do with success and happiness as hard work, because once we’re clear about exactly what needs to be done, we produce far less wasted effort and motion. Having clear, written goals allows us to accomplish far more in a shorter period of time we would otherwise ever imagine.

Setting Priorities

Our ability to set priorities on our time (and again, they should be clear and specific) greatly impacts the entire quality of our life. To achieve great things, we have to concentrate on the small number of activities that contribute the greatest value to our life and work, and pursue them one at a time. See my recent post on the myth of multi-tasking for more along these lines.

Making Choices

Here’s another truth I believe: Before we start something new,we need to discontinue something old. Our ability to get control of our life occurs only to the degree to which we stop doing things that are no longer as valuable or as important to you as other thing you could be doing. There simply are only so many hours in the day, and as we learn to replace less important activities with more important ones, we move closer to the outcomes we desire. This leads to a sort of continual improvement of the investment of our time, replacing less beneficial activities with more beneficial ones.

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We know that a critical part of achieving a goal is to take regular action each and every day to move closer to it. Making time for those activities generally requires that we make some sacrifices.

The following is my list of the top 5 sacrifices that, if you identify them as potential time wasters up front, should make your daily planning easier and greatly improve your progress toward your goal.

Turn off the TV

The statistics on how much time we spend, or rather waste, watching TV are astounding. The TV is a fine creation and a nice way to unwind and relax, but we all know that 15 minutes of TV can turn into 2 hours before you know it. There are plenty of ways to relax and unwind, and leaving the TV turned off will put more time back into your week for goal related activities that can change your life.

Beware of the internet

There, I said it. Advice to turn away from the internet, delivered on the internet (kind of ironic, ain’t it?). I’ll admit that surfing my favorite web sites and drifting off to research some less than critical idea on the web are two of my greatest time wasters, so much so that I just have to consciously make myself close the browser window.

Of course, this advice includes Google searches, surfing, FACEBOOK(!), YouTube, blogs and all the rest. We’ve got important work to do, things that can change our lives and the lives of others. Accomplishing those things generally doesn’t involve surfing the internet.

I appreciate how hard it is to manage this, and that’s exactly why it’s #2 on the list. It helps me to remember that we’re looking for progress, not perfection. Less surfing, more goal activity.

Poorly Planned Day (no list, objectives)

Not having a to do list, agenda or set of objectives for the day is just another opportunity to end up chasing unimportant or unnecessary tasks, instead of those that will move your life and outcomes in the right direction. Having a list of key things you want to get done each day, and working on those tasks first until finished, dramatically improves personal productivity.

Saying “Yes”

Someone is standing in front of you, it’s not a big request, should only take 30 minutes, and you don’t want to say “no”. It happens to all of us, sometimes many times a day. If we say “yes”, we stop doing what we need to be doing, venture of in a different direction, and when we come back it takes 10 minutes just to get back into what we were doing.

The only useful antidote for this time waster is awareness. Staying aware of the list you created in time #3 (above), knowing the important things you need to accomplish today, are essential to making the right decision when someone is trying to divert your attention.

Telephone

Stephen Covey describes the 4 quadrants of activities are those that are:

• Urgent
• Not Urgent
• Important
• Not Important

Most of the time, the telephone is classified as a Not Urgent, and frequently Not Important. I know that sales people and other professions are required to spend time on the phone with clients. Time spent talking to real clients about real problems is not what we’re talking about. This time waste involves time on the phone with friends, family, co-workers, you name it – just chatting or killing time. I’m not advocating seclusion, just throwing up red flags for those things can can silently derail your progress and ultimate success.

Summary
I know that we each need time to relax, and that’s a critical part of a well balanced day. But web surfing, chatting on the phone, taking interruptions or zoned out on TV can be time wasters whose use result in diminishing who and what you can become. No one’s advocating that they be eliminated, but they are “high risk” zones and should be approached with extreme caution!

You have three great resources: Your time, your money and your energy. Use them all wisely.

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If you’re like me, it helps when starting something new to look at examples. Using examples of goals others have written to guide your goal definition and creating your action plan is always a good idea. In an effort to help you along, I’ve included a couple of examples of goal statements below:

Make Them SMART

Any conversation about how to select or write good goals should start with the tried and true acronym: SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time Sensitive). Here are a couple of examples of SMART goal statements, both well written and not so much:

Examples

Not good: I want to retire with alot of money.

Better: I will retire at age 50 with $2.08 million dollars in liquid investments and my home paid for. This will allow me to live on $10,000/month and still allow my principal to grow by 2% to keep pace with inflation.

Why: This is specific ($2.08 million by age 50), measurable (just check the bank balance on your 50th birthday), attainable (depends on your age, income), relevant (retirement planning is an important activity), and time-sensitive (deadline of age 50). There will be no doubt whether this goal has been reached or not, and it’s quite clear what has to be done to reach it. Exactly HOW it will be reached is another subject (the Action Plan), but where you are heading is certain, and that’s important.
 
Here’s another example:
Not good: “I don’t want to have to take my daughter to day care any more.”

Better: I will earn an additional $750 a month by doing Company ABC’s bookkeeping work starting next month. I will do this for 4 hours every Saturday, which will pay for a nanny to stay with my daughter from 9pm – 4pm every day until I come home from my job.

Why: Again, it’s specific (do Joe’s excess bookkeeping work), measurable (4 hours every Saturday), attainable (to be done on the weekends), relevant (affects how she raises her daughter) and time-sensitive (starts next month, continuing every Saturday).
 

Top Goals

Here are the top 25 goals we are setting lately, according to 43Things:

1. Lose weight 37224 people
2. Stop procrastinating 27241 people
3. Write a book 26469 people
4. Fall in love 24734 people
5. Be happy 22226 people
6. Get a tattoo 20481 people
7. Drink more water 19283 people
8. Get married 18895 people
9. Travel the world 18699 people
10. Go on a road trip with no predetermined destination 18691 people
11. See the northern lights 17156 people
12. Learn Spanish 15784 people
13. Save money 14979 people
14. Kiss in the rain 14608 people
15. Take more pictures 14421 people
16. Make new friends 12906 people
17. Buy a House 12788 people
18. Learn to play the guitar 12772 people
19. Get out of debt 11217 people
20. Read more books 11115 people
21. Get a job 10941 people
22. To live instead of exist 10924 people
23. Learn french 10786 people
24. Tun a marathon 10729 people
25. Exercise regularly 10620 people

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Of course not, but I really needed to get your attention so I had to come up with something provocative.

Short term goals are actually an essential part of any goal setting plan. But they tell me catchy headlines attract readers, so I thought I’d see for myself …..

The are two key things to know about short term goals:

1. They are important to creating and maintaining motivation
2. They are essential to accomplishing any goal that takes more than a couple of days to complete.

I’ve said it multiple times throughout the pages on this site, because it’s so important, and I’ll say it again: The key to achieving any significant goal is to stay motivated, staying focused to the task at hand. One of the important aspects of motivation is staying aware of the benefit you are seeking, whether it’s debt relief, financial freedom, weight loss …. whatever. If you can keep that carrot dangling in front of your nose, metaphorically speaking, there’s a good chance you’ll stay engaged for the long haul.

The other important element of motivation is to have rewards or accomplishments identified within reach along the path. Similar to the example of the farmer who tied a carrot to a stick and dangled it just 12 inches in front of his mule to keep him moving forward to try to reach the carrot, it works when we need goals or objectives easily within reach to help us maintain our momentum and progress.

David Allen wrote the best seller “Getting Things Done”, and one of the key principles in that book is the idea of the “next action”, which is analogous to a short term goal. Allen says we should always be absolutely clear about the next thing we need to do for a project or goal, so we don’t end up procrastinating as we summon the mental energy to sift through all the facts to determine what’s we need to do at any time.

That’s exactly what short term goals do. First we identify our major milestones, then we break those down into short term goals that are easily reachable and leave little doubt about what we should be doing at any point in time. The tasks to accomplish a short term goal should also be expressly stated, or so obvious that it’s not necessary.

Short term goals aren’t dumb. They’re smart. Very, very smart! (Did anyone remember the 4 episodes of Colonel Flagg on M*A*S*H? If so, let me know.)

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The process of setting goals is not too different for most of us whether we are very young, a teenager or an adult. However, starting the process of learning about goals for teenagers is an important step toward learning valuable life skills. This page covers 5 of the most important goal setting tips for teenagers to help them learn how to set goals properly, pick up useful problem solving skills and ultimately realize achievements that will last them a lifetime.

Lesson One: Just Get Started

Developing awareness of the very concept of setting a goal, having some sort of plan, and following that plan can be a huge benefit to a teenager who is in the process of learning valuable life skills. Learning to set a goal, even a simple one, produces a shift in mindset from waiting until something happens for me, to choosing what I want from life and understanding that I can define and follow a plan that will allow me to reach it.

Lesson Two: The Long Term View Is Always Best

Ideal goal setting requires perspective, but youth by definition involves a lack of perspective plus generally impatience and a desire to get things done immediately. When we’re young we simply don’t know that we are likely to overestimate what we can do in the short run, while we don’t have the experience or perspective to realize just how much we can be accomplished over a period of time if we aim for a consistent target (goal). One of the greatest assets of youth IS time, and helping teenagers understand that life is a marathon, not a sprint, can provide them with the perspective needed to make smart choices and set worthy goals. For example, an extra 2-3 years in graduate school is insignificant when compared to a 30 year career doing what you love, but sometimes the notion of another year of school just doesn’t seem worth it. But …. life is a marathon, there’s plenty of time to lay a proper foundation.

Lesson Three: Making A Plan Is Smart

Many time teenagers view a challenge or a goal as a ’seat of the pants’ effort, i.e. they make an quick, emotional decision to jump in and get started without stopping to consider all their choices. Knowing the importance of creating a thoughtful, well considered plan (written or not, although written is much better) that will describe the steps to lead them to the goal, and getting advice and counsel from someone who has already accomplished that goal, is an incredible advantage. Learning how to make a plan to reach a goal is a skill that provides a teenager an incredible advantage over someone who has no clear direction.

Lesson Four: The Difference Between Important Stuff and Unimportant Stuff

The Pareto principle, also known as the 80/20 rule, is an important concept to impart to a teenager who is just learning about achievement. It’s widely known that generally speaking, 20% of our activities or tasks will contribute as much as 80% of our results (e.g. studying to academic achievement), but that’s not necessarily intuitive. Many people, adults included, make the mistake of confusing activity with progress. Helping a teenager realize that some activities contribute far more to achieving their goals than others can help them make better choices. Working smart by focusing on the high impact activities can produce more results with less effort than working hard on “busy work” is a huge lesson.

Lesson Five: The Power of Rewards

If you have or know a teenager and they are willing to share one of their goals with you, regardless how large or small, seize that opportunity to make sure they are rewarded for milestones achieved along the way. Helping a teenager begin to form the mental connection between (a) taking action toward a goal and (b) the progress they make toward that goal is important, and periodic rewards is a useful technique to insure that happens and they stay properly motivated.

Helping teenagers understand these 5 keys can help put them start to develop skills that will serve them well throughout their lives, and put them on a path of success and achievement that will add meaningful to their lives. Knowledge and wisdom are wonderful things, but sometimes they require a benevolent teacher to get the point across.

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It seems there’s a natural progression or trend to virtually any aspiration, desire, target or dare I say it …. personal goal. I think it goes something like this:

1. We have an idea, epiphany or “ah ha!” moment when you are certain that your life would be better with (or without) something (less weight, more money, better relationship, better job, etc).

2. The energy produced by the idea in #1 is channeled and we create a plan to achieve our goal, either in our head or on paper.

3. We set about implementing the steps in our plan, with the determination and enthusiasm of Rudy (click here if you’re not familiar with this notorious sports reference).

4. Now somewhere around week 2, we realize we’ve been working at this hard, with true passion and zeal, and nothing (or not much) is happening (how can this be?).

5. Despite a voice in your head saying “these things take time”, you begin to reevaluate your priorities, rethink your epiphany and weigh just how important this goal really is.

6. A few more days go by, your effort lessens a little, still no results or rewards, and it’s becoming even more likely that this wasn’t such a great idea.

7. Finally somewhere around week 2 – 4 resignation sets in, we made a minor miscalculation in the assessment phase of this goal, and we decide that we really didn’t want it that bad after all.

Maybe this isn’t exactly you, but it’s a fairly typical model for how alot of people approach goal setting and making changes in their lives. You don’t have to look any farther than New Year’s Resolutions to see that this is true. Research tells us that at least 80% of all such resolutions are broken by Jan 31, and in fact 90% are abandoned by Jan 15 if they are related to health and fitness activities.

Sounds grim, I know. However the truth, as they say, will set your free. Realizing this pattern, this tendency, can allow us to go into the goal plan with the proper mindset and attitude to greatly increase our chances for success. Following these 3 simple steps will provide you with ammunition to deal with disappointment, disillusionment and frustration.

1. Take the long term view.

It’s not news that we’ve all to some degree joined the immediate gratification, “get ______ quick” (fill in the blank as you choose) society, and that leads to unrealistic expectations and the wrong attitude. Before you decide to pursue this goal, consider whether it’s worth turning into a life habit, or at least whether you’re willing to do whatever it takes to achieve it.

2. Decide if you’re willing to invest effort over an extended period of time without getting results.

Similar to the immediate gratification idea in #1 above, this relates to the principle of deferred gratification – being willing to put off reward today in return for greater rewards later. It’s a rock solid principle (think college education, retirement savings plan or regular exercise), but it does fly in the face of immediate download movies on cable tv or “pizza in 30 minutes or it’s free” (or whatever the ad says). The easy stuff comes quickly, but many times the good stuff isn’t easy.

3. Recognize and prepare for “The Dip”.

One of my favorite authors, Seth Godin, coined this phrase (I think) in his book of the same title. The point of the book is that it can be smart to know when to quit, which I agree with. But the greater message in my opinion was that most people quit when things get tough, frustrating, don’t show progress, etc, and that’s exactly where the opportunity lies. Following through on worthwhile goals that most people give up on is one of the things that makes the achievement so valuable. We do, however, have to be willing to stick it out through “the dip”, that phase where the progress is hard, the rewards are not obvious and it’s easier to rationalize the goal and give up.

I like the analogy of the artist who loves sculpture. He meticiously strikes the rock in just the right place over and over, until it finally cracks in perfect form. The last strike was the one that seemed to produce the results, but in fact it was no more important than every one that preceded it. But he had to hang in there as long as it took.

Other tips include picking things that are attainable, create a system that encourages you to include these things in your day, utilize some form of accountability partner and track or measure your progress. But start by taking the long term view and plan to invest your effort as long as it takes, even without measurable reward, through the hard times. This is a good test to determine if you’re really committed to the goal, and if you decide to proceed then you’ll find your success rate at achieving your personal goals is quite good!

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Basically we’re all CEO’s of our lives. I’m in charge of me – I’m responsible for finance, career training, fitness, time management … everything. We all are.

The question is “Am I running Me, Inc. like a good CEO would”? Am I getting the best advice possible, surrounding myself with experts in the areas I’m trying to improve, getting advice from people with proven track records in their respective fields and talking to people who can raise me to a higher level?

Or am I trying to figure it out alone?

As we plan for and work toward the goals in our lives, we should each make the choices a great CEO would make by seeking out advice from smart, educated, successful people who are passionate about their field of specialization (call them advisor, counselor, mentor or whatever you like) to help guide us in the area(s) we need improvement. We don’t have to “figure it out” for ourselves!

One bit of good news is that there are plenty of affordable ways to get that advice. Here are a few of mine, and I’d love to know about yours.

Option A: Find someone with formal training, plenty of experience and a passion for their field to assist you.

Option B: Figure it out yourself in your spare time. ???

You decide.

Tomorrow: “I Love to Screw Things Up!”

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